- letters from Moineddin
October 28, 1978, to Taj
Please understand when I publish a letter from Moineddin to others, it is because he copied me. In this, Moineddin’s, “I have at best half the physical health of most human beings” is most poignant, as he reminds Taj of his dialysis. But more, it is a plea to Pir Vilayat via Taj regarding Moineddin’s wish for communion, as well as communication with Pir Vilayat.
758 D Street
Petaluma, CA 94952
October 28, 1978
Dear Taj Inayat,
Beloved One of God, as-salaam aleikhum!
This will be the long letter I mentioned several weeks ago. I will try to be personal and avoid matters that can bog down in philosophy and the type of ‘diplomacy’ we see happening everywhere in the world today.
As you know, I have at best half the physical health of most human beings. A large portion of my week is spent tethered to a machine that cleanses my blood and relieves me of extra fluid weight that accumulates from lack of kidney function. Nor is this a complaint; it has given one tremendous impetus to pioneer in hitherto hidden regions of one’s potential. All I am saying is that the dialysis process is very time consuming, in addition to being causal of a condition I call “getting wiped out.”
This fact or facts produces many fluctuations in my whole being—fluctuations which I try to stay on top of. Sometimes I succeed, and sometimes I fail in the attempt. Many of my failures abound in the area of communication, such as the indelicate phrase “replay of old tapes” which you answered in heartfelt fashion in your most recent letter. Nevertheless, breakdowns in communication can be reconciled; but breakdowns in communion can be most difficult to heal. That is why I was disappointed in the phone conversation between Pir Vilayat and myself, for it remained mostly within the sphere of communication and rarely attained a level of communion—which to me is how the representatives of the two spiritual Orders should be able to relate.
That is why I lauded the meetings that Pir Vilayat had with Shabda and Allaudin. There was a real communion there. And that is why I brought out Murshid S.A.M.’s lines from Saladin referring to “the stern responsibilities of empire” and “the strident cares which beset a ruler.” If I try to see and appreciate the alarm you evidence in your letter, really try to see from the point of view of another, then I would ask similarly of you: that you try and see the motive behind my whole letter to Pir Vilayat, and forgive me for my lack of grace in certain phrasings.
It would seem that life itself keeps offering to me the bowl of milk filled to the brim, as if to say, “Move on, Moineddin, there is no room for you in this world.” But I keep on returning the milk, and float the rose-petal of heart on it. If the milk is sour, still the rose-petal may sweeten it. And if the milk is good and an aphid is found clinging to the petal I return, I can only apologize for the oversight, for the slight.
If fact, the one matter in the phone talk where Pir Vilayat and I did have real rapport was concerning my health. Pir’s regard was genuine; nor do I mean to imply that his words on other matters were artificial. I was simply disappointed because my expectations were not met, expectations which I referred to as “more promise.” But that is my problem; perhaps I should not expect so much.
When I look at the various attempts, successes, programs and the like of the Sufi Order and the Sufi Islamia Ruhaniat Society, I see the whys and wherefores of our ‘separate’ paths—though in truth we are closer to one another in spirit and function than any other two Orders on the planet. Pir Vilayat has the role, as Murshid S.A.M. said many years ago, “of the circle, the circumference.” He said of himself that, “he was the dot.”
I feel that this picture is still current and valid. Pir Vilayat does travel on a world scale, has thousands of followers, performs a multitude of duties and, Allah bless him, still finds time to raise a family and be a live-in Murshid to members of an extremely large community, the Abode. Me, I just try to keep a few mureeds on the course of the Idea, try to keep a little family together (which is made most difficult by the effects of dialysis which I won’t enumerate here), and keep a small commune improving day by day. That’s about it.
Except for the times when Moineddin is no longer Moineddin, but becomes suited for the transmissions which transpire, through divine grace, with mureeds. I believe Pir Vilayat would agree that these are the moments worth living for. And that is why I go on living despite failures in areas normal to most people.
Now the women are arriving here for the weekend seminar being led by Fatima, Khadija and Sitara. I enclose an article written by Pat (Siddiqa) Angle, a mureed who lived in Konya with Suleyman Dede for eight months last year. It is time to bring this letter to a close.
If I have managed to commit any further faux pas’ please forgive me. I cannot claim to be anything except someone who is trying to succeed for Allah with what little talent and few gifts have been given. Yet even that little is everything to me.
Always love and blessings,