- letters from Moineddin
September 19, 1977
This compilation is called Letters from Moineddin and, mostly, the letters from Mansur that sometimes prompt Moineddin to answer are not included. But in this case, because Moineddin praises Mansur’s letter (September 23, 1977) as “the most beautiful letter you have ever written,” it is given here. The theme of the letter is Mansur’s explanation of his problematic "choice" for Pir Vilayat and “against” Moineddin, which was necessitated by Pir Vilayat’s Declaration.
September 19, 1977
I had to call you back, because my misunderstood report of my 2 minute meeting with Pir Vilayat put me face to face with the subject of my latest letters to him, namely, the shadow that his thought fills me with for incidents that I can’t forget.
Personally, I like the role of traveling sheikh but previously felt little encouragement from Pir along this line. Now with Shahabudin’s expression, I don’t wish to compete for bookings and, personally, don’t like the sense of competition or feel the need or have a stack of invitations.
I came to Boston to “give to others what I have given to you”, and with the graduation of John Johnson [Himayat Inayati] felt that accomplished. I was not encouraged as I might have wished by my commanding officer, Pir Vilayat, and am at the place where I am receding like many others seem to be from active participation in the spreading of the message; for among other reasons, it seems to be a one man show.
I had to wrestle with the declaration before Jerusalem [at the Sufi camp where I went to help Benefsha Gest, described in Chapter 4 “Fail to sell OTECs to Israel and (without trying) make peace with Egypt” in my book Shamcher, a memoir of Bryn Beorse & his struggle to introduce ocean energy to the United States] and I was ready to stop smoking [marijuana] at the time. I have personally gone in binges of total renunciation and whole-hearted activity.
Hence, when confronted with Pir Vilayat’s question: are you with me, my lips said ‘yes’ and my being visibly shuddered. The shudder is my problem, and at this point I don’t feel that this alliance is right for me, since the teaching is that any interruption of breath is a sign for the devotee that the situation in front of him is right or wrong for him.
One thing that I wrote to Pir was that I was sorry he did not tell me his dissatisfaction in the working relation he was having with you folks, because I would have done everything I could to bridge the gap.
I cannot deny my heritage. I am sitting here in Khankah S.A.M. East. My ideal was always [Murshid’s ideal of] 10 people working selflessly together to change the world. I am not a strong force now in the spiritual government, either Sufi Order or S.I.R.S.. In fact, I think I am just now going inactive, after I fulfill dates in Toronto and Dallas in October.
I have from Pir all the outer titles I need to carry on, in an independent way like Reshad [Field] for example, but it was never my ideal to go off like that. Pir did not carry me further along lines that Murshid started, so I’ve just run out of gas.
As Saadia’s [Saadia Khawar Khan, Murshid’s God-daughter from Pakistan] aunt once said, remember we were all with Murshid; I can’t forget.
I know you have enough to go on, and I will always be at your service if you need my assistance as a troubleshooter anywhere on the globe. I have tacitly and not so tacitly made that offer to Pir Vilayat for 7 years, but my heart remains in my hand. The writing on the wall seems to be that I have not been utilized because I was one of Murshid’s products.
I can understand this from a certain point of view, but my expectation and method that I wish Pir Vilayat had utilized to help me forget what I can’t forget yet was that we might have worked closely together.
The irony for me is that you and Wali Ali and others did work and live closely with him, and he still was guided to get you off on your own. Sufism is free from mixtures, I recall.
Well, my friend, let me be the first or second to greet you as Pir of Murshids since we must have someone in that Position to rank the rest of us.
I will not resign from the Sufi Order; I will not renounce my spiritual brothers and sisters in California. I’m just going to rise above the whole thing. And do my thing and love you all.
Please keep me informed just like I was with you, because I am, forever, inshallah.
Love and love,